


Kisses of Fire

by drelfina



Series: Konoha is the Clownfish AU of the shinobi world [5]
Category: Naruto
Genre: AU of AU, Alternate Universe - Arranged Marriage, Arranged Marriage, Clownfish AU, Cops and thieves, Crack, Crack is crack, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Iruka is a serious teacher except for when he's not, Konoha is the clownfish AU of the shinobi world, M/M, Other, SHisui is a pretty princess except for when he's not., So who knew how seriously i'd take the police function of Uchiha, Uchiha Shisui does what he wants, cops and robbers, crack taken semi-seriously, mature shinobi are mature, rooftop screaming chases
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-23
Updated: 2019-07-02
Packaged: 2020-05-17 00:08:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19328890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drelfina/pseuds/drelfina
Summary: What if instead of holding out for a better offer, Hiruzen took Fugaku's first marriage proposal of Uchiha Shisui for his ward Umino Iruka?In which Uchiha Shisui takes his job very seriously, Umino Iruka takes himself very seriously, and Fugaku has a screaming migraine. Again.Chapter 4: In which they Finally Get Married COMPLETE





	1. In which they meet for the first time… or did they?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [rikacain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rikacain/gifts), [Lilili_cat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilili_cat/gifts).



> Whose fault was this? I don't know anymore. I think it was rikacain, but I know that Lilili-cat was definitely an aid-and-abetter so them. it's their fault. 
> 
> Shisui is... a little different from his version in the ORIGINAL Clownfish AU but hey who gives a shit now right? 
> 
> Right?!

__

_"There is the matter of your ward's marriage, Hokage-sama," Uchiha fucking Fugaku said, unfolding his arms with a snap of his sleeves. "I would like to propose a candidate for your consideration._

_Hyuuga Hiashi's fan snapped close with a derisive click. "You would _what_ ," Hiashi sneered. _

_"I am proposing Uchiha Shisui for your ward's marriage," Fugaku said, and then EVERYONE started up clamoring.  
_

"I accept," Sandaime said before Tsume could open her mouth to yell - something no doubt insulting because she liked yelling at Uchiha and Hyuuga equally. 

Iruka blinked. 

"Told you," Asuma said, very quietly, so that only his father and Iruka could hear him. "It's over now."

 

* * *

 

This was completely new territory - Iruka had known what to expect if he were to marry Asuma, besides the smaller and easier ceremony. There wouldn't have been a need for the whole traditional meetings and token-exchange, nor chaperoning. 

Iruka'd even seen an example of the contract that might have been drawn up for them both - non-exclusive marriage contract on both sides, allowing for the possibility further alliances. The main reason he had been set to be married to Asuma was to take care of Iruka, and cement his position within the Sarutobi Clan, make him a child of Hiruzen's in every way that mattered but biological. 

With Asuma's stubborn and frankly speaking, somewhat haphazard marriage to Kurenai, it opened Iruka up to potential marriage to someone else and if nothing else, the Uchiha were definite about Iruka marrying in with them, bringing the weight and honour of the Sarutobi clan with him. 

But, Iruka realised, this was not a bad opportunity. Asuma was not the heir of Sarutobi Clan, and no one had offered an Heir which could have necessitated a lot more bargaining on Iruka's side to keep a non-exclusive contract. 

Marriage to a high-ranked Clan member but not in direct line of succession meant that Iruka and Shisui were of equal rank, and with the Uchiha's further stipulation that he marry _into_ their Compound, Iruka's non-exclusive contract was all but guaranteed. With the non-tangibles that Iruka was bringing in as an adopted ward of Sarutobi, the Uchiha would have to cede equally. 

It was both more complex and actually more freeing than if he had married Asuma. 

Still, Iruka thought, kneeling in his haori, the crest of the Umino balanced with the Sarutobi along his back and chest, everything was unexpected. 

As was the fact that Uchiha Shisui was late. 

"Sorry!" said a voice, before the screen door slid open and a young man, just about Iruka's age, in the dark navy of Konoha's Police Force just managed to toe off his shiny black shoes and stumbled in, bringing in the sharp bite of winter with his unruly hair. "Sorry, sorry Fugaku-san, Hokage-sama, I had a shift in the Station, and then an Inuzuka pup got loose in the market and my partner and I had to chase her down -" 

"Enough, Shisui." Fugaku exhaled. "I apologise on behalf of my clansman, Hokage-sama, Iruka-dono." 

Shisui blinked at them and then scrambled over to the pointedly empty cushion. 

"It is no problem," Hiruzen said, and Iruka could see the slightest of smiles on his face, "It is good that the young officers of our police force are so conscientious of their civil duties." 

"Ah-hah," Shisui said, laughing nervously, running his hand through his hair, abruptly realising his hitai-ate was missing, and that Iruka was staring at him. 

Shisui shoved his hands back down, curling them into fists on his knees. "Thank you Hokage-sama." 

"Well then, we should leave you both to get to know each other," Hiruzen said, starting to get up. "We'll just be next door, Iruka, so don't worry." 

"Of course not," Iruka said polite and obediently, smiling up at his foster father. 

Fugaku gave Iruka's intended a quelling look. "Be _polite_." 

Shisui managed a weak smile, "Yes clan-leader." 

Silence fell in the wake of their Clan leaders' departure. 

Shisui fidgeted a little. 

Iruka raised an eyebrow, curious and waiting, studying Shisui, noting the bar on his shoulder that indicated his rank of Sergeant. 

"Shisui-bunchou," Iruka said, "would you like some tea?" 

Shisui startled like he didn't expect Iruka to speak. "Uh, sure. Um. Fine." He reached for the tea things and then almost knocked over a teapot in his haste. 

Iruka didn't laugh; Shisui was an elite jounin, and of the same standing within his clan as Iruka was within his, but his flustered fumbling was exactly what he expected from a sergeant-ranked officer. 

Iruka had, after all, encountered _many_ of them through his youthful career of being a terrible prankster brat. 

"Here, let me," Iruka said, leaning forward and snagging the teacups before they fell over and rolled off the table. 

"You're laughing," Shisui said, flatly. 

Iruka swallowed down his smile. "Maybe a little," he admitted. 

"Well that's not very fair, it's not like I get married every day," Shisui huffed and Iruka actually did exhale a laugh. 

"Did you think I get married every day too?" he said. Looking up at Shisui as he righted the teapot and cups and started pouring the tea. 

"Well you know more about it than I do," Shisui pointed out. 

"Because I had to be there to help draft it," Iruka said. "While you were chasing vandals across the west market." 

"It's part of my job," Shisui said, aggrieved, and snagged a cup from the table. "That's mean, I'm just doing my job." 

"And I'm doing mine," Iruka said, smirking cheekily at him. 

Shisui scowled, and then his eyes widened. "Wait a minute. You're one of the -' 

Iruka blinked, startled. "One ?" 

"I arrested you before!"

 

* * *

 

"I've never been _arrested_!" Iruka protested, eyes wide and all scandalized innocence, but Shisui remembered that scar, the cheeky smile on a much smaller face.

"Ah hah, yes, you were vandalizing the Hyuuga compound , I remember your scar and then you _threw_ a paint-bomb at me!" 

"Did not! I didn't have paint-bombs then-" 

Now suddenly the perfectly made up, poised Umino Iruka - Academy teacher and adopted ward of the Sarutobi Clan - was flushed and flustered, almost petulantly disputing Shisui's frankly _perfect_ memory and Shisui would be insulted if he couldn't point and say, "See? Caught you out, you little vandal!" 

"I'm not _little_ you're three months younger than me!" 

Shisui grinned triumphantly. "Like that matters! You made me chase you through the _sewers!_ " 

"But you didn't catch me did you?" Iruka stuck his tongue out at him. 

"Almost did," Shisui crowed, reaching over to jab Iruka in the shoulder. "Hah! You owe me the dry cleaning bill!" 

"Do _not_ ," Iruka said with a scowl that scrunched the scar across his nose and it- 

Was stupidly cute. 

That and now Shisui had the vindication of that verbal report - his then-sergeant had not believed that the Sarutobi's brat had been vandalizing the Hyuuga compound - it was only two weeks later that Yakumi-bucho had snagged the kid writing something rude about the Academy teacher Hyuuga Naoko on the walls and got to drag him in person to the Sarutobi residence. Officially it'd never gotten to an arrest but it was _unfair_ that they'd believed Yakumi-bucho, who was only two years older than Shisui and a bit of a newly promoted chuunin dick, when Shisui had been chuunin for _three_ years by then.

Shinobi rank didn't matter, Shisui-junsha, they'd said. Here you listen to your superior officers, Shisui-junsha. You didn't even have the culprit, how can you be sure that it was the _Sarutobi ward_? 

Well here he had the actual verbal proof! 

Shisui pulled out his notebook. "You're gonna sign your confession right here!" 

Iruka stared at him, and then picked up the notebook, and dunked it into the teapot.

 

* * *

 

Fugaku almost stood up when the yelling got louder. 

_That dry cleaning bill ate up my whole month's pay! And you have open arrests -_

"That little fool," Fugaku said. 

"Ah, that reminds me so much of my Biwako," Hiruzen mused when his ward yelled back, _I'm not paying for dry cleaning incurred in the course of your duties, those are crimes committed by a minor and you have no evidence_ \--

Something crashed. 

_I'm arresting you in the name of pe- ow!_

A door slid open with extreme prejudice, falling off its tracks.

"Shit," Fugaku said, rushing to the door to see Iruka leap out towards the nearest tree and disappear over the walls of the Uchiha compound, and his idiot clansman stagger a little after the young man. 

"Get back here!" Shisui yelled. "I'm dragging you to the station _right now!_ " 

"It's so nice that young people are so dedicated to their jobs," Hiruzen said, sipping his tea. "So next week at the Sarutobi residences - 3pm will be alright for you and Shisui?"

 

* * *

 

Fugaku had given him a complete tongue-lashing, as his Clan leader. If he'd been more mad, he'd have dragged Shisui into the police HQ and given him said tongue-lashing in front of the entirety of the morning assembly of the police force. 

Shisui was not even a little sorry, but he managed to arrive on time for the next meeting in proper clan wear, rather than his uniform, even though he would have preferred to show up in his uniform again to remind _certain parties_ that just because they were a teacher now didn't mean that their childhood misdemeanors went forgotten. 

Shisui's partner had been the one who had shoved him out of the station two hours before the end of his shift so yeah he had no excuse to be late or in uniform. 

Dammit. 

Sandaime-sama was all genial smiles, while Iruka was giving him the stink eye, like a _brat_. 

He'd gotten away the last time, but that was only because Iruka'd managed to knee him in the tender bits. And he wasn't allowed to make any arrests at the Sarutobi-residence. 

He would bide his time.

 

* * *

 

"He didn't arrest you this time?" Asuma asked, while Iruka flung off his kimono in a giant huff. 

"No he didn't, which is good because I would have kicked him _harder_ and used his goddamn handcuffs -" 

"Oh he brought handcuffs?" Asuma said brightly, knowingly, and Iruka turned bright red, picked up a textbook and flung it at his head.

 

* * *

 

Since he hadn't been allowed to arrest the little criminal mastermind in the Sarutobi Residence, Shisui figured that meant that the Uchiha complex was fair game - Shisui had been shoved out of Konoha on a short mission prior to that so he couldn't have tried to get him at the Academy, but when you knew where the criminal would be, you could lay an ambush and just wait for him to walk in. 

Though the fact that Iruka was using the jutsu this time was a bit of a snag. 

"Fugaku-sama wanted to check on my ability to hold the jutsu," Iruka said sweetly, evilly, and Shisui glared even as his face reddened. "How are _you_ at holding it anyway? You know our contracts say that we're to alternate bearing to reduce strain on our bodies." 

"I can hold it better than you can," Shisui said, with a snap and a shift of chakra. The yukata he was wearing was fairly accommodating of his own lean curves, and he was perfectly gratified by the way Iruka's gaze went a little- well not unfocused, because Iruka was looking down at the part of his yukata and _success_ , the mark was distracted! 

Alas, when Shisui tried to take advantage, Iruka slipped right out of his grasp like the slithery, slippery snake he was, and dashed straight into - argh, the Clan Head's apartments! 

That was not going to hold Shisui off for long, there was no way he'd let Fugaku's presence deter him from making a rightful arrest!

 

* * *

 

"Iruka-senpai?" Itachi said, leaning out a little of his door when he heard someone skitter in. 

"Ah, Itachi-kun," Iruka said, looking around. "If you don't mind, I could hide out in your room for a while?" 

"Shisui is being unreasonable again, isn't he?" Itachi said, pleased that Iruka had not noticed his slip in address. "Yes you can hide in here if you wish." 

"Thank you, Itachi-ku - I mean Itachi-sama." 

Itachi made a little mournful sound at Iruka correcting himself, but let Iruka hide in his closet. Not five minutes later Shisui was easing himself in through Itachi's window, looking around even as he fastened his yukata a little better around his narrow waist. 

"Did you see where the criminal mastermind went?" 

Itachi considered his options, and because he was a little brat who hadn't gotten what he wanted, indicated the closet. 

Shisui lit up in an evil smile and then flung open the closet, ready with handcuffs and a jutsu. "Hah! Caught you!" 

Iruka yelped when he pounced - "Itachi-sama you traitor!" and they ended up in a pile on Itachi's floor. 

Itachi turned on his sharingan as Shisui tried to handcuff Iruka. 

"You're under arrest for ten counts of civil misdemeanor, three counts of red-handed vandalism," Shisui panted out as he struggled to keep Iruka's hands pinned down, and finally had to resort to pressing full body down in a restraining pin, "suspected of two further counts of vandalism and general mayhem, AND for hitting a police officer -" 

Which was when Iruka kissed him. 

Itachi dared not blink. 

Shisui froze in place, hands going lax, and then Iruka kawarami'd with Itachi's pillow and was out of the window in a flash. 

"He - he -" 

"Wow," Itachi said. 

"I'm going to arrest him for kissing a police officer!" Shisui yelled. 

"Kissing isn't a crime," Itachi said. 

"It will be when I make Superintendent," Shisui growled - ignoring the fact that Itachi was far more likely to get that position than him. "See if he will be able to kiss other police officers to get away again!" 

"That sounds oddly specific," Itachi started. 

"And he stole my handcuffs!" Shisui bellowed. "Another count of theft!"

 

* * *

 

"So they don't get along?" 

"Yes, Danzo-sama. Uchiha-buchou is constantly trying to arrest him." 

"Very good. So there is no way that the wedding will go through in a year. Continue to monitor - let me know if anything changes." 

"Yes Danzou-sama."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> doot doot dooooooo 
> 
> And this is the start of this trainwreck.... *stares at it* 
> 
> just because i mentioned Shisui in the uniform, suddenly the whole fic just went abruptly sideways.


	2. In which they have a Lot Of Decorum

To be very honest, Iruka had spent a good portion of his childhood getting to know the inside of the Police Headquarters very well - the little outposts scattered across the Village were really only where the patrolling officers would stop and pick up notes, possibly lock in things they'd found at lost-and-found, and stash a little miscreant while one officer went to locate their guardians. 

The closest outpost to the Sarutobi residences, however, was the police headquarters itself - so when the various sergeants did manage to capture Iruka, he usually was stashed in an interview room with a mug of hot tea while someone went to locate Sandaime-sama or his oldest son. 

The sergeants' ability to capture Iruka was varied - the hierarchy of the police force was different from the general shinobi ranks; young Uchiha entered as lowest police officers at ten, usually doing nothing more than running errands, checking messages along the outposts, and mostly after school or training; the older you got, the more likely you'd get more of the police officer duties. Quite a number made sergeant at about fifteen, quite happy to tack on the title -buchou on to their navy blue uniforms along with the little tabs - and the ability to perform a buchou's job was hardly dependent on whether they made chuunin by then. 

Little Iruka had calculated that a full half of the buchou had been only genin or freshly made chuunin when he was performing the worst of his pranks, so he had been perfectly able to escape most of them. 

And many of these buchou? Were happy to lord it over their technically higher ranked shinobi but lower ranked officer clansmen. 

Shisui had been thus only a lowly officer when Iruka and he had first met - and his older cousin buchou had been unwilling to listen to him when he'd tried to point out that Umino Iruka, Sarutobi Hiruzen's ward, had been painting extremely inaccurate images of genitalia on the Hyuuga walls for making fun of poor Hijiri Shimon not being from a clan at all. 

Despite that, though, the other half of the buchou were able to catch Iruka if he didn't manage to get to the sewers, so he spent quite a long bit of his childhood having a very long and detailed tour of the inside of the Police Headquarters. 

Iruka therefore used this knowledge to first charm the Uchiha at the front desk, finding out where Shisui-buchou's desk would be, and then making his way straight there. 

And dumping a gift-wrapped box on his desk. 

"Hey!" Shisui yelped when he jolted upright and realised who was standing in front of his desk. "You!" 

"Me," Iruka said sweetly. 

"You have just handed yourself in for arrest!" 

Iruka hummed and straightened his yukata's collar, which derailed Shisui's rant a little. 

There was always that first little jolt whenever Shisui caught side of the slight swell of his breast, the dip of his waist, which let Iruka get that first step in. 

Sometimes it meant getting away, but in others - 

 

"Then you're going to take me to interview room four?" Iruka said, holding out the first pair of handcuffs Shisui'd given him. 

Well, he'd put it on one of Iruka's wrists. And hadn't taken it back when Iruka'd escaped, so that counted. Right? 

Shisui blinked at him. 

"It's free," Iruka said, jiggling the cuffs. "Or shall I just wait for you there?" 

Shisui scowled, while Iruka watched warring emotions chase themselves across his face. 

"Don't play with police equipment," Shisui growled, snagging Iruka's wrist in one hand and the cuffs with the other. "Interview Room four. Now." 

"Sounds like a plan," Iruka said cheerfully.

 

* * *

 

Look. 

Iruka was a teacher. He taught MANY idiot kids who grew up into idiot teenagers; the Academy was very good at teaching kids on how to set traps and throw pointy things, but not communication of deeper emotions - apparently that was a graduate level course. Apparently prodigy jounin didn't take such courses - and many, many jounin of Shisui's level didn't know how to actually communicate their interest. 

Well, either that or Shisui had a police kink, and Iruka'd inadvertently kicked it awake due to being the one that had gotten away. 

It'd taken Iruka four months and ten cross-village chases before he realised - Shisui could have used shunshin to really catch him if he'd wanted, after all. 

Or if he was really serious, put in for a warrant and arrest Iruka officially with a squad. 

Instead, there was this. 

Hence, eight months to the wedding, Iruka was going to use Interview Room Four to make his point quite clear. 

And judging from the way Shisui reacted when Iruka yanked him close against the two-way mirror and kissed the blazes out of him, and the way the wall was now forever going to have Shisui's hand prints burned in, Shisui clearly got the point.

 

* * *

 

Uchiha Tekka-keibu opened the door of Interview Room Four and nearly leapt back at the sight, the inspector slapping his hands over his eyes before his sharingan could record more than it'd already seen. 

"For fuck's sake, Shisui! That's what the break room is for! Four weeks no-pay suspension dammit!"

 

* * *

 

"I don't object to handcuffs in principle," Iruka said mildly, after he'd gotten them off and draped them over Shisui's shoulder. "But these are uncomfortable. As your spouse, I demand that you get me a _personal_ pair." 

"We're not even married yet and you're so demanding," Shisui grumped. 

"What can I say, I have to be worth the huge dowry that the Uchiha is paying my clan," Iruka said, and nudged Shisui back until he could slide off the interview table and straighten his yukata. "So, next week, I suppose? Assuming you manage to catch me." 

"Just because you caught me by surprise today doesn't mean I won't be able to arrest you next time," Shisui said, the threat not even remotely realistic, not with the way he was staring at the marks he'd left down Iruka's neck. 

"If you do manage to," Iruka said, voice going low and throaty, and he leaned into nip Shisui's ear and Shisui choked a little. "I'll eat you out against the break room couch." 

Shisui swallowed hard. 

"If you don't," Iruka said, and then snagged back the handcuffs before Shisui could snatch them back. "Well, we'll see what it feels like from the other end, shall we?" 

Shisui made a strangled noise, and Iruka kissed his cheek before slipping back out the door.

 

* * *

 

After those first few mad chases, it settled. 

_They _settled.__

Shisui would have thought that Iruka was a stickler for tradition - it almost had seemed like it after all. But apparently… not. 

Underneath that sober teacher's persona, was still that prankster that he'd lost in the sewers, so many years ago. His partner Yasui sniffed and dumped a pile of files on Shisui's desk. "Kami-sama," he said, "I cannot _wait_ for your wedding." 

Shisui beamed up at him, and took the files - little bits of arson, it seemed, in the marketplace. No one was hurt, the ones who started it seemed to be children. A few apprehensions - Academy students all of the same age. 

Maybe friends, maybe they were bored. 

But when he looked down at the little sheet that detailed their information - parents, clan, address, level in Academy, Academy Instructor - 

All of them said _Umino Iruka_. 

Shisui grinned, and reached into his drawer to pull out the brand new pair of handcuffs he'd gotten last week. Brand new, but butter-soft. 

He was going to go have a little… chat with a certain Academy sensei, it seemed.

 

* * *

 

Shisui actually was waiting for school to be let out - which was considerate of him, sort of. 

"Iruka-sensei," Shisui said, standing and Iruka had to pause to admire him in his uniform. 

All perfect navy blue with pale gold piping, pale enough to almost be silver, with the exact flap over his chest and those ridiculously beautiful white gloves. 

"Yes?" Iruka said aware that they were in public and that technically they weren't married yet. 

They should have some decorum in public. 

Instead of wanting to eat Shisui up with his _eyes_ , because if he was completely honest with himself, he _might_ have developed a bit of a … thing for people in the uniform of the Konoha Police Force just because he spent so often being hauled around by people in that navy blue uniform and black shiny shoes and white gloves. 

"I have a few questions about some of your students," Shisui said, perfectly straightlaced and all starched uniform and every _inch_ the absolute correct police sergeant. 

(He was perfectly correct in his normal jounin uniform too, but Iruka rarely interacted with him as a jounin, and as jounin, Shisui was one of the most powerful, least approachable shinobi in Konoha.) 

"I do have some work, Shisui-buchou," Iruka said, perfectly polite and not at all like he was eyeing the way that belt emphasized Shisui's waist. And that there were his handcuffs and truncheon hanging off it in easy reach. 

"It is quite urgent," Shisui-buchou said. "The questions have to be answered as soon as possible." 

"Do they," iruka said. "Right now, on the steps of the Academy?" 

"Or we can proceed down to the station," Shisui said, his voice dropping low. "Sensei." 

"Are you arresting me?" 

"I do have the authority to compel your company down at the station," Shisui said and it was still low and Iruka was finding himself leaning in - almost swaying, hypnotic, and. 

Shisui smiled and Iruka's heart skipped and that was _not_ fair. It wasn't! 

Shisui had no right to look so unfairly handsome and pulling on every damn thread of social convention and make everything in him _shiver_. 

"Compel me?" 

Shisui shifted, and tapped his hand over the other side of his hip, and Iruka could just _see_ hanging there were handcuffs. 

Which… weren't the usual metal handcuffs that were generally more symbolic on shinobi. 

No, these ones, they had a hint of leather and Iruka swallowed, hard. 

"I really wouldn't want to put you in handcuffs in front of all your students and their parents, Sensei," shisui said, his smile dangerous and sharp and hng, okay this was not fair, and this was the first time Iruka'd been caught straight up before he'd even been ready. 

"Very well," Iruka said with as much irritation as he could muster in his tone, "I'll come with you." 

"Thank you," Shisui said, and as an arresting officer, he was all but hovering close to Iruka's elbow as they walked - walked, _not_ ran - to the police station and. 

Hnnnnnnnng.

 

* * *

 

"How strange that they still haven't called off the wedding, if they still don't get along," Danzou mused. 

And of all places, he had no actual agents in the Konoha Police Station - it was the only place in Konoha that was Uchiha-only, and placing agents within were an excercise of futility. 

You;d think with how often Umino Iruka spent in the police station as a little delinquent and now, apparently a criminal suspect, Fugaku would have called the wedding off. 

"Fuu," he said, finally, calling in one of his most socially astute agents, "Go observe Uchiha Shisui. Report to me the relationship between him and Umino Iruka." 

Surely, if they called off the wedding, Danzou would be able to make his own marriage proposal soon. 

Shisui looked _fantastic_ in that uniform after all.

 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going with a truncated version of the law enforcement ranks in Japan from [here](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Law_enforcement_in_Japan#Ranks)
> 
> Lowest Rank:   
> Police officer: 巡査 Junsa  
> Police Sergeant: 部長 buchou (technically 巡査部長, junsa-buchou, but junsa means officer, and buchou means squad officer/leader so buchou is a decent truncation)  
> Inspector: 警部 keibu   
> Superintendent : 警視 Keishi. There can be only ONE superintendent~ 
> 
> I truncated this and only went up to highest rank as Superintendent because hello this is a single Village, it's not an actual country with different prefectures. 
> 
> Most Uchiha end up having a rank within the Police Force, independent of their actual shinobi rank; within the KPF, they would answer to their superior officers, which correlates a little more with age and ability to perform police work. Ie all junsa are subordinate to buchou, and buchou answer to the few keibu - possibly only a handful of them, and there is only one superintendent, the same as the Clan Head. 
> 
> Despite his age, Itachi is an Inspector (keibu) because he needs the rank to sometimes step in for Fugaku when Fugaku has to wear his clan-head hat. Meanwhile Shisui is merely a buchou, not an keibu, as while he does do his job when assigned shifts, he is an active field shinobi and definitely cannot focus all his time and effort to becoming keibu. 
> 
> Shisui essentially has a rather large wardrobe: Civilian/clan wear, jounin uniform, ANBU uniform, and Police Uniform (which might have dress-uniform version too) LOLOLOL


	3. In which they have fittings and several people have a series of bad days

"How is it that all of you failed to notice that they were getting along _very well_?" Fuu said. 

The others looked at each other, uncertainly. "Uchiha Shisui always says he's trying to arrest Umino Iruka." Gozu said. 

"Quite loudly," added Hyou. 

Fuu would have facepalmed if his mask wasn't in the way. 

"And you didn't notice Uchiha sticking his tongue down Umino's throat?" Fuu asked, very, very calmly. 

"This is the first time?" Gozu said, uncertainly. 

"That most definitely doesn't LOOK like the first time he's done it," Fuu said and he was not going to snarl at them because it wasn't professional and he was old enough not to smack one of his fellow operatives. 

It more than explained why the wedding hadn't been called off, Fuu thought. Danzou-sama was going to be _so_ mad.

 

* * *

 

"Argh," Shisui said, staring at the haori with dismay. It wasn't as complicated as the kimono that, if he had been marrying a social superior - or contractual superior - that he would be required to wear - but because they were both on equal standing, the wedding clothes were going to reflect that was the case. 

It was more complicated than the usual outfit for Uchiha formal occasions, and had a lot of fiddly bits. 

"I can't _run_ in this," Shisui complained, as they attached the goddamn headpiece to his hair, pins sticking almost into his scalp. 

" _Are_ you planning on running?" Itachi asked, interested. He was attending as the Clan Heir, but just in his formal kimono, which was more austere and far less decorated with dangly bits than Shisui's. "Because if you do, someone will have to marry Iruka-san regardless." 

"It sounds like you'd do it anyway," Shisui grumped "Ow! Watch it, I need my head for missions!" the fitting attendant just stabbed another pin in his hair. 

Itachi hummed, and Shisui caught his face reddening a little in the mirror. 

Shisui frowned, and turned. "Wait. You _do_ want it. You! You want to marry Iruka!" 

Itachi's blush deepened. "He is pleasant to look at," he admitted. 

"That's not why you'd marry him," Shisui said, and grinned. "Ooooh, Itachi-kun has a _crush_. Since when? Since - waaaait, he's like four years older than you, buuuuuut he was at the academy at the same time you were, weren't you?" 

"I was only there for six months," Itachi said with great dignity, but his gaze flicked briefly away and Shisui _crowed_. 

"A crush! A complete cruuuuush," Shisui said. 

"Very mature," Itachi said. "I hope you get stabbed with more pins." 

"You wanna get a kiss from Irukaaaaa," Shisui called out as Itachi turned and left. 

Shisui sniggered, and then yelped as he got stabbed with another pin.

 

* * *

 

Fuu waited till the crashing sounds stopped before coming into Danzou-sama's office. 

He ignored the overturned desk and the smouldering remains of the chair. 

"I got your report, Fuu," Danzou said, voice completely even as he stared out the window. 

"Sir," Fuu said. 

"It seems like a huge oversight for them to have missed such a development." 

"It… is not their strengths, Danzou-sama," Fuu said, keeping his gaze straight ahead. "They're good at assassinations. Maybe infiltration." 

"They will have to be re-trained." 

Fuu kept the wince off his face. "Perhaps so, Danzou-sama. What are your orders now?" 

"Now? It's been nearly nine months. At this rate, it's long enough Shisui could have been _pregnant_ ," Danzou snapped. 

"He… isn't pregnant," Fuu said after half a minute's pause. 

"Out of sheer luck." Danzou said darkly. 

There was a long pause. 

A leaf fluttered down in front of the window. 

"Umino will have to die," Danzou said. 

"Ah," Fuu thought. Oh good. At least _that_ was within Root's expertise! "Yes sir."

 

* * *

 

It started small, and really Iruka still didn't know at which point to stick a pin in and say, this was when the attempts started. 

Because tripping over stray wire traps in the Academy was normal. It happened at least a dozen times a semester, particularly when the first term of the third years got started on Real Ninja Traps. Iruka risked his neck every time he took the stairs - so who knew if the slight increase of trip-wires was just a normal fluctuation or the result of a particularly dedicated student, or actual assassination? 

Since he was going to be married, and to a rather prominent jounin, Asuma made the effort to come visit him a little more often. 

"Is Kurenai kicking you out more?" Iruka observed drily, letting Asuma arrange the sling on Iruka's chest. 

"I'm more concerned that she's thinking about making me carry the next one," Asuma said. "Here, he likes you." 

"Probably because I don't smell of cigarette smoke," Iruka said, patting his three-month-old nephew's tiny tuft of hair, and then handed his satchel of papers to Asuma. It was not an equal trade - his nephew was happy to sleep, while Iruka's essays were almost the twice the weight of the infant. 

It was also extremely late autumn - having a nice warm weight against his chest was pretty much a built in heater. 

"He always sleeps when he's with you," Asuma grumbled, and hefted Iruka's satchel into almost the exact same position. 

"Mmhmm," Iruka said. It was just a walk to the Mission Desk from the Academy, but Asuma always took the opportunity to offload his kid onto Iruka. 

"What is inside this, bricks?" Asuma said, prodding the satchel, and then someone almost bumped into Iruka. 

It was Asuma's parental instincts that had him shoving into the hapless idiot - Asuma had, despite his grumbling, grown into the mama-bear instincts that having an infant apparently instilled. Over the past three months Iruka had seen the man shoulder full grown jounin out of his way at the market - there had been at least two times he'd seen Asuma body-check slightly unaware shinobi off the rooftops that Iruka had to duck when he felt Asuma's chakra signature nearby. 

So Asuma shoving into Iruka's path just had him going still and - there was a sharp ripping sound. 

"Hey!" Asuma said, "watch it, there's a baby here!" 

"Sorry!" said the guy, and ducked away. 

"Fuck," Asuma said, "are you okay, there, Aka-chan?" 

"He's fine, and so am I," Iruka said, a little drily. "I don't know if that guy's shoulder is fine." 

"He's the one almost walking into a baby," asuma said. "He should be a lot less fine if he'd hurt my kid." 

"I guess - did you just rip up my satchel?!" 

Asuma glanced down and then made a confused sound, even catching the sheets falling out of the - sliced canvas. "What the hell - ow!" 

He yanked his hand back, letting the papers fall out. 

"What happened?" Iruka demanded. 

"Burning on my fingers - shit." Asuma turned his hand back and - "the hell, which idiot was running around with poisoned weapons in the street? Babies can get hurt! I bet it was Shiranui's bad example!" 

"Didn't that come out in a film the other year?" Iruka said. "Half my students ran around with poisoned senbon in their mouths for a week." 

"Idiots shouldn't follow trends that can get babies killed!" Asuma yelled after the guy who had wisely disappeared into streets. 

"He didn't even get near me, you basically body-checked the poor bastard headfirst into a wall," Iruka said, "I'd be more concerned with the essays -- did they get stabbed all the way through?" 

Asuma shook his hand a little, as if that would make the poison go away. "I don't know, don't care." 

Iruka pursed his lips. "Well i guess the kids are going to have a pop-quiz to make up for fifty-percent of it then." 

He'd give the students 50% of the essay grade anyway because his students HAD made the effort, but he sure as hell was not going to try grading that mess. It wasn't like _he_ was some sort of poison master with an immunity to half a dozen classes of poisons and drugs and household cleaners.

 

* * *

 

"I think you just hip-checked an ANBU into the river," Iruka observed. His nephew burbled over his shoulder. "Those were just dango skewers." 

"Well those can scratch too!" Asuma said. 

"Fuck you Sarutobi!" the ANBU yelled as she sloshed around and stepped on the other shinobi she'd crashed into when Asuma had jumped straight in behind Iruka to protect his baby from the dango five feet away. 

"I'll get you dango later," Asuma yelled back. "But only if you promise to break off the pointy ends!" 

"I will break them off in your FACE."

 

* * *

 

"You're going to get yourself stabbed one day," Iruka said, as he hurried away from the dumpster that Asuma had apparently tossed a jounin straight into. 

"He was running around with a drawn sword," Asuma pointed out. 

"And he was more than three feet away," Iruka said. "It's a free roof. You didn't have to throw people into the dumpster."

 

* * *

 

"Why is Umino not dead yet?" Danzou asked. "He's just a chuunin!" 

His agents looked shamefaced. 

Hyou looked damp, while Tera was smelling somewhat suspicious. 

The other root members were staying a good three feet away from him. 

"He tossed me into the river." 

"The dumpster-" Tera said. 

"This is what I have you trained for - assassination," Danzou said evenly. "Am I going to have to send you all to retraining?" 

"We were supposed to be subtle, and make it seem like an accident," Hyou said. "Danzou-sama." 

"He bodychecked us." 

"It's not Umino," volunteered Terai from the safe three feet away from Tera, before Danzou exploded. "It was his foster brother Sarutobi." 

Danzou took a deep breath. "Get Fuu here." 

Fuu took one look at the bedraggled lot of Root members and decided that he was really not being paid enough.

"Sarutobi Asuma _is_ one of the elite jounin," Fuu said, very very carefully. "And a new very protective father. So the next attempt, avoid Sarutobi." 

"He's in the Mission Room, the Academy often," Hyou said while Danzou smouldered in the background. 

"There is a point where he _isn't_ near Sarutobi isn't there?" Fuu said. 

The other root members glanced to Danzou. 

"Yes," Gozu said, "when he's with Uchiha Shisui." 

"Yes but he…. Isn't always _with_ the Uchiha," Fuu said, trying not to stare at the ceiling. "When he's far enough away, we can strike then." 

"Oh," the other Root members said. 

Save me from socially clueless idiots, Fuu didn't say.

 

* * *

 

Shisui was off-duty and heading downtown. Iruka-sensei was supposed to be off his mission-desk duty pretty soon too, since it was Founders' Day, which was a huge relief; Shisui had put in for his own half-day off three whole months in advance, because everyone and their ninken wanted to be off-duty and not dealing with the shit that was the parade down the main street on Founders' Day. 

This way, he'd get to watch the parade with a date for the first time in _years_ while not actually having to stop kids from running into the floats' jutsu and then falling into the sky. 

And after _that_ well… He had those handcuffs, and Iruka had implied he _might_ have something else in mind … 

The parade was already in full swing by the time he found the spot he was going to meet Iruka at - just outside the new police little outpost that really was just a locked shelf in the wall and a bright blue sign that was a pretty good meeting spot. 

"AH HAH ETERNAL RIVAL," said a very familiar voice, "YOU MIGHT HAVE WON THE LAST CHALLENGE, BUT THIS TIME, I HAVE BEAT YOU IN DRINKING THIRTY-THREE OF THESE TINY COLOURFUL DRINKS." 

… great, Shisui thought. Maito Gai. 

It might have been alright though - Gai and Kakashi generally took their stupid bouts to the challenge fields, and Shisui could more or less tune them out…. 

Except that it was Founders' Day, and while Gai had drunk thirty-three of those tiny colourful drinks, Kakashi probably drunk almost as many, and they were two incredibly, _incredibly_ bonkers jounin with very lowered inhibitions - 

There was suddenly a LOT of water in the air. 

Oh, and Kakashi was a lightning type. 

Excellent. 

The tiny colourful drinks were almost basically free-flow on Founders' Day; and _everyone's_ inhibitions were cheerfully, destructively lowered. 

"Fuck. And. Hell," Shisui said, when suddenly the whole area around him erupted into chaos. 

And just over THERE, shisui thought he could see the bouncy floof of Iruka's ponytail as he was almost swallowed up by the chaos of extremely drunk shinobi. 

"NNNN," Shisui thought, and then yanked open the Police Outpost shelf, and grabbed all the sealing scrolls. 

Shinobi had plenty of these; they mostly stored weaponry and books and other exciting things like rations and dog-treats in them. 

The police stored police equipment. 

Shisui just tore open the scrolls with the barest lick of his chakra.

And slapped the nearest shinobi in the face with a giant futon. 

The face of Hatake Kakashi was going to stick with him for a month at suddenly getting rolled up with Gai into a big bright blue squishy roll of cotton batting.

 

* * *

 

Iruka blinked when Shisui worked his way around the giant piles of cotton and confused shinobi rolls towards him, and then winced when SHisui blew his police whistle. 

"Oy! Konoha Police Officers! Yes - you, there, you're on parade duty right? You're dealing with the paperwork now." Shisui yelled. 

A tiny barely out of the academy Uchiha scrambled up and saluted Shisui, then looked confused. "But Shisui-buchou, you're not on du-" 

"I very much am not on duty! That's why you're dealing with the intake paperwork! You figure out who started this fight and who slapped whom, I'm going on a _date_ right now!" Shisui barked at the poor kid who looked very distressed at the idea of having to unwrap maybe a hundred of the futon-rolled shinobi. 

"Shisui, what on -" 

"They were making a Public Nuisance of themselves and being Unruly and Rowdy, it's a Misdemeanor," Shisui told the probably only fourteen year old Uchiha. "If you don't know where to start, go find Yakumi-buchou, he's still on duty right now." his old sergeant was going to hate Shisui but they were of the same rank now it didn't matter. "Come on, Iruka-sensei," Shisui said, grabbing Iruka by the wrist and dragging him to the rooftops. "We'll get a better view from here."

 

* * *

 

"Why," Fuu asked, "Did I have to rescue you lot from the Police station as _futon sushi_?" 

None of the root operatives had a real answer for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shisui's wedding outfit is pretty much [here](https://world-flags.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/mare3.png) minus the armour, and the helmet being a headdress instead, because Uchiha are fucking drama queens AND the colours are about right for the Uchiha colours and I know how over the top it is because it's _Malaysia_ and I'm in love. 
> 
> I'd even put Singapore's one as Iruka's but it isn't quite right. 
> 
> Instead, Iruka's wedding outfit is [this one](https://world-flags.org/wp-content/themes/worldflags/images/finlandf-min.png) because a) the blue colours are perfect and b) flowy, soft almost fluffy robes. 
> 
> I'm just going to throw all worldbuilding out the window because this is just too fucking hilarious okay. So like, if you're contractually subordinate (ie you're the one who is either bearing ALL THE HEIRS or you're exclusively married) then you get to be wearing the jutsu. Or the Wedding Kimono you traditionally see on women outside of Konoha, those heathens. (which means that if kurenai had been contractually superior, she wouldn't be wearing the wedding kimono) 
> 
> Socially/contractually superior spouse gets to wear the Manly Manly Wedding kimono. So that's an 'unequal' marriage. 
> 
> But since Shisui and Iruka are contractually equal -they're both non-heirs, they're both non-exclusive marriages, they prob will take turns bearing kids if they want kids i guess, they get to wear 'equal' shit. Which means Neither Superior Kimono nor Subordinate Kimono, which means SAMURAI GET UP. 
> 
> With a fucking giant star headpiece that probably almost puts Iruka's eye out. 
> 
> Also Japan's police force practice [FUTON WRAPPING](https://www.bbc.com/news/av/world-asia-pacific-38534288/wrapping-people-in-futons-how-the-japanese-police-confront-violence) when dealing with Dangerous, Rowdy, Drunk criminals or people. 
> 
> Shisui is not going to let Dangerous Rowdy Shinobi get in the way of his goddamn date.


	4. In which they Finally Get Married

"I'm going to kill you, Shisui," Itachi said, storming straight into Shisui's apartments before the man could open the door .

Not that he had even tried to open it - they were good enough friends that Itachi had had free reign of Shisui's place since they'd met at five and nine respectively, and Itachi was mean enough to take full advantage of such privilege. Such as now. If it meant he got to wake Shisui up out of bed at eight o fucking clock in the morning, it served him right _so much_. 

"Those were the _entire_ supplies of a police out-post, and I had to read through AND approve every intake form for _two hundred_ drunk and very pissed off shinobi, _Shisui!_ " 

He raised his voice as he stormed deeper into the apartment. 

"That was a lot of intake forms, Shisui!" 

He could hear a little tinkle of ceramic from the kitchen - so he headed there. 

"I had to approve each ONE of them, Shisui! And on Founders' Day!" There were so many of the tiny colourful drinks he had to have to make it through the evening, and not just set fire to the paperwork, the shinobi, the heaping mess of futon, and the police headquarters. 

Mostly he was going to set fire to Shisui. 

He shoved open the door for the kitchen and then stopped. 

Because seated at the small kitchen Island was Iruka-sensei, clad in Shisui's yukata, the uchiha crest sewn right at the nape of his neck, his hair loose and slightly messy and Itachi's words dried right up in his mouth. 

"Oh, Itachi-ku-sama, are you here to see Shisui?" Iruka said, politely pretending he hadn't heard Itachi snarl about Shisui's shortcomings not thirty-seconds ago. 

"Yes," Itachi said, after a long moment of staring. 

There was also a glint of metal on the kitchen counter - it took a moment for Itachi to realise that it wasn't a spoon or any other innocent utensil - it was the glint of the little chain from a pair of leather handcuffs. 

"Amazingly enough," Shisui said, just behind Itachi, smirking when Itachi whirled around. "I've run out of _every_ tea. Except Oriental Beauty." 

"Amazingly," Iruka said, voice very dry, but he was rifling in Shisui's cupboards now, reaching up and when Itachi looked back to Iruka, he could see the shoulder of the yukata slip down Iruka's shoulder. 

"By _amazing_ coincidence," Shisui continued, ducking before Itachi could elbow him, shoving his shoulder into Itachi's and making him stumble into the kitchen proper, "Oriental Beauty is Itachi-kun's favourite tea." 

"Shisui…" 

"And it's _great_ for hang-overs." 

"I'm going to stab you with a ball-point pen," Itachi said. 

"He gets very grouchy when he has a hangover," Shisui said, in a tone meant for sharing conspiratorial secrets, but it considering he was saying it across the entire kitchen, Itachi was Not Amused. 

"I see," Iruka said. 

"Two ball-point pens," Itachi growled. 

"Sit down, Itachi-kun, and let Iruka-sensei feed you some tea and cookies," Shisui said and shoved his cousin to the nearest chair, and grinned like a shit at Itachi the whole time Iruka puttered about the kitchen, looking completely fucked out and soft and rumpled and Itachi was going to schedule Shisui's shifts to the 3am shift for the next two MONTHS.

 

* * *

 

Even if many of his fellow officers might say that Shisui was unobservant as hell -- which, Shisui would hasten to add, it is due to _selective observation_ according to _protocol,_ Tekka-keibu -- even he would notice if someone was trying to kill his future spouse. The Futon Incident (the highest record of futon-wrapped arrests in the history of Konoha, which Itachi had laid squarely at Shisui's feet, despite Hideo-junsha being the arresting officer on the forms, and seriously if the Konoha Police Force were only going to apply this paperwork protocol when it suited them and not when it was _obviously_ not Shisui's fault, he despaired, he truly did) was only just one of them. 

There were subsequent incidents too - like the one time that Shisui had to actually use shunshin to snatch Iruka out of the way of 'stray kunai' during one of their uh, 'rooftop chases', or the time that there were suspiciously loose roof-tiles when Shisui had personally been the one who had to oversee the paperwork approving the replacement and reinforcement of said roof-tiles just the other week. 

Suspicious. 

And then while Sarutobi Asuma had a tendency to bodycheck people off rooftops anytime his baby was near someone with anything that might slightly resemble anything pointier than a carrot, checking the reported incidents of unexpected shinobi in places they shouldn't be due to Asuma shenanigans over the past few weeks had noted a distinct uptick in said illegal shinobi dumping. 

The Futon Incident, Shisui realised, might have been a case of him actually _underreacting_. 

Someone was trying to assassinate Umino Iruka. 

Amazingly nothing had been untoward at the Academy - though according to Shisui's sources at the Academy (ie: Iruka-sensei) everything was always a chaotic mess near the mid-term exams as students scrambled to revise and practice doing their third to sixth year traps, so who knew, maybe any assassination attempts had been covered in the mass of inexpert traps that every Academy sensei was more than well tuned out for. 

They were trying to assassinate Umino Iruka but not get anyone else in the crossfire. 

"I'm surprised you think that anyone'd want to assassinate Iruka-sensei," Itachi said. "And not _you_." 

It was entirely possible that Itachi still hadn't forgiven him for the Futon Incident. 

"I'm not the one who is close to the Hokage," Shisui pointed out. 

"And you on the other hand, are unforgivably close to the Uchiha Clan Heir," Itachi pointed out. "I'm going to stab you in the thigh with my ballpoint pen." 

Shisui got off his desk. "Yes but not everyone has a personal grudge against me like you do, Itachi-kun," Shisui said. "And while Iruka-sensei is very sweet, and everyone _does_ like him, he IS the Hokage's favourite son. Ward. It could be international spy shit." 

Itachi exhaled and dropped his head down into his hands. "Then it's ANBU business, not police business." 

"But it's taking place _here_ , and this is _our_ jurisdiction," Shisui said. "Well not _our_. Unless you mean 'the police force's' jurisdiction. I mean it's yours." 

"I hate you," Itachi said. "So much. Isn't your wedding taking place tomorrow?" 

"Yes but you still have to be aware!" 

"I'm going to stab you in the tender bits," Itachi said, "if you don't get out of my office right now."

 

* * *

 

Just because it made Iruka stutter, Shisui was wearing the jutsu; he wondered how long it'd take for Iruka to notice. 

It might take a while; the ceremony was a little long - and involved his Clan head and an Elder representing Shisui's parents going to the Sarutobi Residence and escorting Iruka _back_ to the Uchiha Compound, so he was all dressed up in the stabby headdress and long robes and trying to look like he wore this sort of things all the time, or else Itachi would stab him for fidgeting. 

And to be fair the robes were fitted for his normal body - so he'd had to keep his shoulders sort of broader, and belt in around his waist a little more. 

It, however, meant he could cope a little easier with the layers - in his female form he had a tendency to run cold anyway, so this wasn't quite as uncomfortable as it could have been. 

"What are you doing," Itachi murmured at him, without looking like he was moving his lips, or moving at all. Shisui would have thought that Itachi had been replaced with a clone if he hadn't surreptitiously poked him earlier. 

"I don't know what you mean," Shisui said, tugging the sleeves down a little more. They were cuffed and tied tight to his wrists, which was great if he ever needed to fit his ANBU armour over them, or possibly rip out the ties and garrote someone, but having something so fitted over his arms that wasn't actually his armour was weird as hell. Even the police uniform wasn't quite so tightly fitted over his arms and shins. 

"You're using the jutsu," Itachi said, "and you weren't fitted for it in _that_ form." 

"Thank you for paying such close attention, itachi-kun," Shisui said sweetly, just so that Itachi could glare furiously at him. "Do you think Iruka-sensei will like it?" 

And then Itachi was turning pink. 

Score one for him, Shisui thought smugly. How many has it been already? Five? Fifteen?

"It's the wedding _ceremony_ ," Itachi said instead of answering Shisui which Shisui was going to take as another point because he was an ass and scoring points off Itachi was the best thing ever. "You shouldn't be playing around." 

"Pretty sure Iruka-sensei is going to marry me anyway even if someone came in and yelled that they objected," Shisui said. 

"If Iruka-sensei left you at the altar I wouldn't be surprised at _all_ ," Itachi said. 

"We don't have an altar," Shisui said. 

"Once I stabbed you and then made one to your spirit," Itachi said, "we would have one." 

"I always knew you cared," Shisui said.

"Quiet," Itachi said, because now there was a little commotion at the main door to the hall; the escort party was back. 

Shisui tipped his chin up a little, straightening and letting his hands fall to his sides - and there, Iruka-sensei was finally visible through the crowd, and he was taking off his veil, passing it to Asuma, as if dirt and dust would have dared settle on the silvery-white and blue of his robes. His sleeves were definitely loose and large enough he could have probably hidden a whole arsenal of weaponry in either, and he was definitely grinning wide like he probably _had_. Of both of them, Shisui was the one with the most obvious and easily accessible weaponry - had to let Iruka have access to his own, apparently.

 

* * *

 

Iruka had to pause to take an appreciative look at Shisui's robes - apparently the Uchiha colours were navy, red and edged all over with gold, and it made him look ready to go out and possibly set fire to half a village, and it was _also_ two shades darker than the police uniform. Add the headdress in and Shisui looked like a rising blaze over dawn. 

He was… riveted, possibly, enough that he took a few steps forward, and didn't notice Asuma come to an abrupt stop and nearly tripped over his own robes. 

What? 

Shimura Danzou was standing right in front of them - blocking his progress. 

Iruka blinked. 

"No," Danzou said, voice ringing. "This is not a suitable alliance." 

"Danzou-sama," Fugaku said, voice calm. "What do you mean?" 

"Uchiha Shisui can form other more useful alliances than the mere ward of Hiruzen's." 

"Strange that you mention this only now," Mikoto said, tiny and almost dimunitive next to her husband, but her voice and expression were hard and Iruka could _see_ that while she might have given up much of her active field status to be the active Clan Leader's spouse, she still was a deadly force to reckon with. 

"Though perhaps not so strange," Itachi said, his still somewhat high voice was quiet, but it _carried_ across the hall. "Considering that you were making your opinion known by trying to assassinate Hiruzen's ward." 

"I _knew_ it," Shisui said, his words almost loud in the sudden silence of the hall. "I told you, Itachi!" 

"What proof is there?" Danzou said, and he was looking vicious, and yup the whole hall was now filled with tension. 

It was, after all, a hall full of _shinobi_.

"On investigation carried out by my underlings," Itachi said, ignoring the little gestures that Shisui was making that Iruka interpreted to mean 'me, i did that investigation', "several of the personnel involved in the near-accidents near Iruka-sensei that would have been fatal if he had not been near his fiance or brother report directly to you, Danzou-sama. I can present this directly to the Hokage." 

Danzou was scowling and Iruka had no idea. Really had no idea that anyone was trying to kill HIM and wow. 

"Father is going to hear of this anyway," Asuma growled from Iruka's side and well at least Asuma was putting in a decent showing of protective older brother. 

"That is circumstantial," Danzou said. 

"Enough for me to issue a restraining order, Danzou-sama," Itachi said politely. "Neither you nor any of your agents may go within a 300 foot radius either Shisui or Iruka-sensei." 

"You cannot be serious." 

"This is the _nice_ option," Itachi said, silkily soft. "The restraining order is effective _now_ , Danzou-sama. I can escort you out."

 

* * *

 

"That was incredibly dramatic," Iruka said, later, when they finally were alone, and Iruka had managed to help get the headdress off Shisui's head, though it'd apparently taken a full quarter of his hair with it. "Did you know it was going on?" 

"I didn't, but I can tell you Itachi-kun was loving it," Shisui said, rubbing his scalp. 

"I hadn't known that I was being targetted for assassination," Iruka said. "Who would have thought -" 

"I can figure out why," Shisui said, but he was leaning in andtugging Iruka's hands closer to his waist, so Iruka took the hint to start undoing the laces, and pushing open the robes and - 

Pausing a little. 

"Figured it out now?" Shisui said, and _her_ smile was wicked. 

"You are a brat," Iruka said, and kissed his spouse. 

"Guilty as charged," Shisui laughed and kissed him back. 

END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOLOLOLOLOLOL 
> 
> HOW MANY TIMES MUST I FUCKING RESOLVE DANZOU?


End file.
